i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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