Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
