and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
