I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
