I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
