Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
