i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
