they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
