I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
