It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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