if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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