So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
