so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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