Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
