my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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