we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
