I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
now i know why i became what i already was.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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