i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm bleeding and have questions
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
