its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
