I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
