and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
