he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
two words...techno handjob
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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