kristin has been a bad kristin
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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