OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
