How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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