sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
