I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Randomize
