Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
