Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
