i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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