i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
