hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
