called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
