You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
