Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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