I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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