OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
