Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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