I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
