Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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