i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
