Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
