Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
