I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
