Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
