I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
