Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
