I hope mine doesn't look like that
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
