It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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