There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
