He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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