i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
